Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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