i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
