If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
