If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
