I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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