seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
