Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
