I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
