And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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