i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize