Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
