I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
