I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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