Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
