She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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