I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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