Just mADE A PArabola og urine
sarcasm needs its own font
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
