I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
