He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
