He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
