We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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