meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
