Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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