Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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