Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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