Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
