we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
