Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize