So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
