i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
