Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just want to make out with him forever
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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