I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
