just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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