Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
