you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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