You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
