I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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