Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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