So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
