I want to stick my p in your. b.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
