Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
