sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
