fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
