when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
