I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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