I look better un-naked...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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