break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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