Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
