There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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