Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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