I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
