U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you inspire me to be a worse person
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
