Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This house was built for laser tag.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
