Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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