a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
