I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
