I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize