I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You have to summon your inner elephant
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
