Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
