nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
