i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
tell me about the eggs
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
