It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize