I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
