jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
