i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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