This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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