i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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