so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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