I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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