I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
