I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
