i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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