Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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