Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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