the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
