I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
