So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
