she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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