My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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