We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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