Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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