nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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