so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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