I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
