You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
