I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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