The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize