Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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