Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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