Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize