my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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