okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
