if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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