Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
