When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
