i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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