he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
