don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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