im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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