i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
