i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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