Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
