just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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