I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
