My sheets look like a crime scene.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
